Updated: Sep 19, 2020
By: Monday Blues
5 Steps to Making it Right
Messing up is part of being human. Society did us dirty by socializing us to believe otherwise. Have a little compassion for yourself, as they say “when we know better we do better”.
As promised, here are some tried and true steps to get you back on track after the call-out (check out Part 1 here if you haven’t already):
#1 SLOW down and reflect with curiosity. Sometimes when someone brings a harmful action to our attention our first reaction is knee jerk defensiveness. This first step is a reminder to slow down, breathe, and remind yourself to explore the possibilities. WHAT IF… (insert scenario) happened the way that (insert person/community) perceived it?
#2 Take ACCOUNTABILITY. Accountability is taking radical ownership of your actions AND all the consequences that go along with them. This might be one of the harder steps because you essentially have to admit to yourself and to everyone requesting accountability, that you were in the wrong. There are some very valid reasons that we as humans have learned that making such an admission can put us in a vulnerable spot (ex. fear of ostracism) but in reality it’s one of the more powerful and admirable things you can do. Bench the ego and own everything.
#3 EDUCATE yourself. The resources to learn about whatever you may have been called out for are plentiful, infinite even. Think of the best way you absorb information and start going that route. If it’s reading, check out books and articles on the subject. You can literally type your question word-for-word in to google and go from there. If you learn best from other people, hire a professional coach or consultant to help guide and educate you. You can also look up youtube videos on the subject. Just remember that if you are asking for someone else’s time, be sure to value that labour (ie: pay them $).
#4 Make a PLAN. Set some goals. Use SMART, measurable outcomes. You don’t have to conquer everything at once, but be sure to keep track of your progress. Reach out to educators/coaches/mentors who can keep you accountable throughout this process. If you’re a business owner, a good place to start is to review these goals in your quarterly reports.
#5 STICK to it. Time heals. Be patient with the process. It could take days, weeks, months, even years. Consistency is key, especially if you are in the process of rebuilding trust. During this process you are going to come up against a lot of different reactions and feelings. Be prepared that it might not be smooth sailing in the beginning, but if you're committed to change, your actions will eventually speak for themselves. Don’t give up.
Our world is in a constant state of change. We’re going to have a lot of opportunities to be wrong and/or called-out in this lifetime. These are also opportunities for growth. Growth is sometimes a painful and messy process, but it’s a necessary process, and resisting it takes up far more energy than accepting it for what it is.
Life Coach? Showgirl? Woman of Loose Morals? What more could you ask for! Monday Blues is a professionally trained life coach, serving up crystal clear clarity and decolonized coaching solutions for the leaders, artists and rebellious souls of the world. Find her on Instagram at @missmondayblues or through her website www.mycoachmonday.ca.